What are some social life hacks that are not commonly mentioned
What are some social life hacks that are not commonly mentioned – This is from a Quora answer.
I cannot help the association I have with this question to Emotional Intelligence. And emotional intelligence or EQ is something that is perfectly learn-able not like our intelligence (logic) quotient.
Although Western culture is obsessed by IQ it is EQ that has more profound impact on our lives and overall happiness. So, knowing that you can do something about your EQ is a guess a good thing.
So, let me give you some introduction to EQ. It might be commonly mentioned or not I do not know. But this overview will give you good intro to the topic.
However, one word of caution. Being social is rather a broad topic. Although there is some general pattern of being social as a characteristic, it does not make us more valuable or invaluable in the society. Just look how many people seemingly socially awkward are so valuable for the societies Why is Mark Zuckerberg so socially awkward – or is he?
Emotional intelligence – what it is and tips
EQ is a set of four principle skills:
· Self – Awareness
· Self – Management
· Social Awareness
· Social, Relationship Management
Self – awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across different situations. Basically, it is getting to know yourself. What are your emotions, and why do you feel this way? The only way to understand your emotions is to think them through. You need to figure out why you feel certain emotions. What I’m saying is, do not put a veil of ignorance on your negative emotions. They are there for a reason, and rather than blinding yourself to them, acknowledge them and try to figure them out. The more you think about what you are feeling – and do something productive with that feeling – the more developed this pathway becomes.
Here are some techniques you can try to improve your self–awareness:
1. Your emotions are neither good nor bad. They are all there for a purpose.
2. Lean into your discomfort – see yourself as you really are. Do not be disappointed because you’re not who your parents wanted you to be. You are just as you are. Make peace with it.
3. Feel your emotions physically. Do you feel your heart rate going up? Acknowledge every physical change that is induced by your emotions.
4. Understand your hot buttons, the situations that give you more of a trigger than others.
5. Take a third person view (watch from above). Try to get a more objective view of your actions.
6. Keep a journal. It might be hard to do in the beginning, but when you get into it, it’s relatively easy to keep track of your emotions daily, or at least a couple of days a week.
7. A bad mood is just a bad mood. It doesn’t mean that all is bad in your life. It is just a bad mood, the current condition of your neurochemistry and the electric potential of your brain. The same thing goes for a good mood, also. Don’t get too overwhelmed by it.
8. Ask yourself: Why you do this thing?
9. Establish your values constitution. Write your core values on a piece of paper and establish your own definition of your values. Go back to it from time to time to see what is really important in your life. In will keep you on the right track long–term.
10. Seek feedback. Open yourself up to feedback from others. People can be stern sometimes, but be prepared to take whatever feedback they offer. You might not agree with it, but acknowledge it. If you hear that from more people, there might be something true about it.
is the ability to use awareness of your emotions to actively choose what you say and do. Controlling yourself in the middle of your emotional surge is a learned skill. You cannot become a victim of your emotions. Instead, you have to develop an ability to size yourself up before it all goes in the wrong direction. Using self–awareness, you develop a skill that lets you constantly think about your emotions. On the other hand, self-management gives you the flexibility to choose how to react positively and productively to different situations. Here are some techniques:
1. Breathe right. Deep breaths turn on your rational brain.
2. Make your goals public. Make a deal with your friend about something. For example, every night we are out together I am going to ask three girls to go on date with me. It is going to make you accountable.
3. Always count – counting helps. Before any statement that is emotionally intense, try to start counting. We bet that your statement will be less emotionally intense at 3 than it was at 1.
4. Find your coach, your idol. Look at the great self–manager in your community and ask him or her for help.
5. Pretend to smile and laugh till you make it real. Even if you do not feel like it, pretend. Studies show that mimics on our faces are stimulating mood-lifting neurochemistry.
6. Take control of your self–talk; stop talking down to yourself. Instead of saying to yourself, “I am an idiot,” change that statement to, “I made a mistake.” Do not overgeneralize or talk down to
yourself. That “I’ll never be successful, I’ll never achieve that” – what is that good for? “I made a mistake and I am going to learn from it and improve next time.” That’s it.
7. Focus on opportunities rather than limitations. Always think of your perspective. This is totally up to you. You may not change the whole world of events, but you can always alter your perspective.
8. Stoicism is the philosophy that everything in the universe is unstable, and a person can lose everything at any minute. This is not meant to make catastrophic predictions to be anxious about, but to accept change as inevitable. When change comes, prevent yourself from getting bogged down by strong emotions like fear and shock. Think rationally instead, and try to embrace it. Think about change, what can possibly happen, how you would alter your behavior, etc.
Social awareness is another part of EQ management. This time, it is not your behavior that is observed, but your social surroundings. It’s the things you can see written on your co-worker’s face. You don’t have to ask how she is doing to know in your gut that it is better not to approach her right now. Here are some tips to get you started:
1. Remember people’s names always, no matter what a struggle it may be for you, it will get better in time if you practice. Remembering someone’s name can break the ice and engage them in a meaningful way.
2. Watch body language, as it is usually 60% of the conversation. We recommend that you tune to Allan Pease channel on YouTube, as this guy is pretty much Mr. Body Language.
3. Practice your tact; timing is important. When someone is angry about her relationship with someone, you don’t ask her about the movie that is coming out next week to disengage her monologue. Instead you say, “Can I do anything for you?” This one works all the time.
4. Plan social gatherings. In some cultures, improvisation, the ability to choose the right words without any rehearsal, to be flexible and always know what to do or say, is valued. There seem to be some people who have this ability, but those who rely only on their ability to improvise are going to fall eventually. Instead, plan your social events. There is diplomatic protocol for managing foreign social relations. You don’t have to develop a protocol to get along with people, but a bit of planning will not just prepare you for the event, it will also help you to enjoy the event more, and you’ll be more present while you’re there.
5. Engage – the wow effect is dumb. Do you have a feeling that you constantly have to “wow” someone? Well, don’t! You’re in the conversation to listen and learn something! Also engage and focus on the conversation. Live for the moment. When you live in the present, you do not plan the future or reflect on your past. There are specific times to do that. For instance, the best time to do this is in the morning (between 5 – 6 a.m.). However, if you’re on a date, then be on a date. Nothing is important at that time, just your date in the present.
6. Become a better listener, and practice listening.
Relationship management is long-term investment. We should treat relationships as investments, nurture them, care about them, and do not let them dry up by not watering them. You are half of any relationship. You have half of the responsibility for deepening these connections. Here are some strategies that might help you to become a relations manager:
1. Be open and be curious. Be open about your intentions, and try to interpret them to your community so they can read you like a book. For instance, if you’re very sensitive about showing up to meetings at the exact time, tell your colleagues about it. Tell them that you were raised in a family in which everybody was really punctual, that your dinners started exactly at 7 p.m. If people around you know why something is important, they’ll tend to understand you better.
2. Synchronize your body language. Telling people that you’re excited with a muted voice is not very suggestive. That message also comes from body language. Tune into “body language” channels on YouTube and learn what particular body language signs mean. Remember, people trust what they see over what they hear.
3. Use courtesy. Even in contemporary societies it is good to be courteous. Say “thank you,” and “please,” and other courteous things regularly.
4. Build trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Trust is built through consistency in words, actions and behavior over time. It takes 20 minutes to destroy a reputation that takes up 20 years to build.
5. Anger management – release your anger in a purposeful way. Anger is sometimes a good technique to turn odds in your favor. And it can also favor a group of your companions. Anger can be a nice tool when it is used honestly and with a productive purpose. If it’s not managed, it can do more harm than good.
6. Acknowledge other people’s feelings. Listen, and do not dismiss other people’s emotions, even if they might seem silly to you.
7. When you care, show it. Little displays of gratitude and appreciation can do miracles.
8. Explain your decisions. Remember people have to know why you are doing this or that. It will be much easier for them to comprehend than just listening to a plain sentence, which can have ambiguous meaning.
9. Fix it. No matter how broken the social situation is, toss fix it sentences. To do this, you need to let go of blame and focus on the repair. Do you want to be right or do you want a resolution to the social conflict?
10. Tough conversations, just like sales, start with an agreement. The second step is asking questions to help you understand his or her side. Listen, and then help the other person to understand your side, too. Once you understand each other’s stances, concentrate on moving forward with a positive and productive outcome in mind.
So as you can see, increasing emotional intelligence took more space than the other techniques. That is because we consider increasing EQ a very crucial step in dealing with all social relationships, and mastering it can definitely improve your life in terms of overall happiness. It’s an everyday training, but if you think about the techniques we have stated and try to implement them, you will start on a path to better relationships and therefore a better and more fulfilled life.